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I woke up this morning. there was something in the air; it smelled like hope. I closed my eyes and inhaled the scent of coffee beans roasting down the street. above the observatory a random cloud spiraled up like one of those ribbons of steam one sees when you tilt the kettle to fill your cup.

Now can I turn this distracted mind around. Will it let me dream and rediscover and recover my energy, my creativity, all the things that made me happy.

Damn. A deep sigh escapes me as I realize all I could have done. All I could have focused upon. Whole sets of goals left to collect dust in the corner of my mind while I let despair and doubt drain me.

Ohhh what a long 9 months this has been. It was exhausting! Exhausting to write anything beyond a line, let alone a paragraph. Exhausting to smile and not break under the weight of optimism I forced myself to wear. Exhausting to fight those dark thoughts that continually came to bear bringing those feelings of failure. Eventually I would succumb and sob. I could not believe I was so weak. I nearly drowned in my tears.

Oh what a long 9 months it’s been. Is it really over. Please! I want to exhale and bathe in this release of relief, allow myself to believe today is a new page, a new chapter in this book of life. it waits for me to wake up and seize the day                                                                

or forever stay down.

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