perfidy, lofty, dedication aka procrastination

her lofty ambitions often held her back, 
was it the lack of dedication
to follow through and make them true.
She was tired of trying
and denying it was the problem.
If only they knew…
her beast was back, closing in fast
just as she was rediscovering trust,
but the deliberate perfidy by
some friends was too much to handle,
seriously am not ready for the scandal.
Welcome stormy weather,

let me light a candle.
Continue reading “perfidy, lofty, dedication aka procrastination”

zaftig, charlatan, mojo

descriptors didn't enamor her 
so why was she enchanted by 
this charlatan's words. 
for a brief second: he was the guy 
The mojo this charlatan possessed
often left her feeling blessed
Aw sweetie, anything for you
she would reply
with a coy sparkle in her eye
and a spring in her step 
magical moments that lasted seconds 
before he became a bore 
and spoke out of hand 
causing her to fall back to earth. 
Oh, he could’ve been the guy… 
but remember 
she wasn't enamored by descriptors
zaftig? really?
Is that what you see?
In her body dysmorphic mind
she was unable to embrace her curves  
and could only equate that word 
with the worst 
She missed the body she used to know
The body she had 
before age come and took hold

wod 10/18

reprobate, acquire, awning

85 degrees in February!  
Oh LA and your endless summers.
Barely any need for sweaters,
only in December.
I look up

only to have those blues skies remind me
that I need to acquire an awning.
It has been a couple of years
the Santa Anas have taken their toll,
the current tarps had to go.
After next week's paycheck,
must make a trip to Home Depot,
then look for a reliable friend,
before those wicked winds come back again.

I had someone in mind,
our interactions have so far
been founded on trust,
but maybe he's not up to the task.
We'll see, I’ve yet to ask
.
Continue reading “reprobate, acquire, awning”

my favorite mornings

My favorite mornings are the ones 
where I wake up, sip my coffee and hum

Nina Simone's ‘It's a New Day’ to myself
because I am feeling good,
lucky to still be here
grateful for another chance
to make a difference
idk where the day will take me
but I’m curious enough
to travel to the outer limits
before I’m forced to reel myself back in,
for actions have consequences
and there is a too far to go, you know
by the time midnight strikes
I may be a little battered, buzzed,
slightly hammered
ready to regret a choice
I'm about to make
but for fucks sake…
He feels good.

Continue reading “my favorite mornings”

reciprocal, somersault rationale

Oh my god she gasped silently. 
What did he do, now? 
She shrunk back into her shell and  turned away. 
If she doesn’t see it, or acknowledge  his actions with a reaction… 
did it happen? 
Deep inside she was touched, it wasn’t exactly a declaration of love, 
far from it, 
but she giggled as if it was. 
I mean
the respect was reciprocal,
but this spectacle he made of himself 
had little to do with her 
and more with the frustration 
so many others had.
We were trapped 
without a visible way out. 
Sometimes one had to shout, get loud 
then do somersaults to explain the rationale. 
However explanations weren’t on his mind this time.

Wod 12/18

congenial reveal matcha

I tried my best to put on a congenial facade, but the patron’s persistance that we had matcha was wearing me down. How many times could I repeat ‘No, we don’t.’
How many times could I list the teas we had in stock. I reminded her again that we weren’t a Starbucks or a cozy corner coffee shop. Still she persisted and insisted that she got one last week. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I was on the verge of revealing my darker side. I wanted to walk away, instead I said ‘whatever you say’ and dropped the plain green tea bag in the hot water. Handed it to her, told her to have a nice day and mouthed under my mask please go away.

Wod 12/19

devotion, daunt, cryosphere

A noise behind the closed door 
startled his senses, with a jolt he 
shot up like a bolt. It was a crash 
bang clang, a signal that a new 
disturbance had entered the atmosphere 
He was tempted to call out 
"Hello, who's there?" but then he had a 
flashback to the last time he asked 
that and blindly opened the door, the 
last time he attempted to investigate 
and his world imploded and he crashed 
through the crack in the cryosphere 
and found himself here. Inside a 
dark cell dedicated to his devotions, 
a place to play out his premonitions 
undaunted, untethered by outside 
criticisms. He was not prepared nor 
ready for this intrusion on his solitude.

Wod 10/22

the re-read

I re-read my words 
and try to remember the time
but ultimately I remember the mood
that goes with every rhyme.
In some I smile and bask in the joy
that comes from when the writing is done.
In others I relive the darkness
that had enveloped me
as it encroached on my soul
but as I wrote those words
I was finally able to let it go.
I don't know what people
will see
what they will read
what they will eventually
believe of me.
But if they could identify
and know those moments
inhabit us all…
Then I did my duty
and it was worth it all.

9/18

obtuse, hector, codicil

My words can be obtuse, I felt I 
need to explain myself further
and ended up repeating and repeating
all the time. came across like a bully
because of misunderstanding. I never
meant to hector, didn't mean to
lecture. I was passing on some
information, a codicil, if you
will, something like that.

Wod 9/25

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