perfidy, lofty, dedication aka procrastination

her lofty ambitions often held her back, 
was it the lack of dedication 
to follow through and make them true.
She was tired of trying 
and denying it was the problem. 
If only they knew… 
her beast was back, closing in fast
just as she was rediscovering trust, 
but the deliberate perfidy by
some friends was too much to handle,
seriously am not ready for the scandal. 
Welcome stormy weather, 
let me light a candle.

I know what to do
but my biggest problem 
is the follow through
lists lay scattered in tatters
in my back pockets,
at the bottom of my purse,
in unfinished notes in my phone,
I should turn them into verse.
reminders remain to tell me
what was important that day
that week, that month
the goals I hoped to achieve
instead I see what I avoided,
random thoughts 
delayed by distraction 
waiting for action